the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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