No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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