It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
