if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
