I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize