I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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