i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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