I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
