i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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