If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
