yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
