ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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