I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Fuck appropriateness.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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