I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
