how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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