I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
