remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
