ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
