That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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