Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
