do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
