Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
