Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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