Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
