yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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