Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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