The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
