saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
