You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
