i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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