we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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