I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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