Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
