My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
