I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
