Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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