I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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