Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
