I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
