haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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