dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
