singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
