i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
