Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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