Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
