Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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