In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
