What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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