I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
