i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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