if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is the high leading the old right now
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
