Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
