miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
