You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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