New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
