Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
