hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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