3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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