nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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