she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This toilet bowl is my home.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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