It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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