Redeem this text for a blowjob
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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