I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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