I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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