Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
