they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
