Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
