I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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