somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
