I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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