My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
