What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
P.S. I can't hear my feet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
