last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
