I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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