I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
