You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
