Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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