my sisters under your porch take her home
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
