i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize